Birthing Anxieties

How does a new mother ease the worries and woes of the unknown about
her baby’s delivery?

It’s no wonder pregnancy makes some women nervous. Life is about to change in a huge way, and, in the meantime, there’s a baby growing inside whose well-being she feels utterly responsible for. And, of course, that child is going to have to come out somehow!

“Most moms don’t recognize that fear sabotages the experience of labor and birth,” says Sharon Said, a hypnobirthing instructor. “It really takes away from the joy and the empowerment of the experience.”

Whether it’s the first baby or the fourth, a natural birth or a C-section, it’s absolutely normal to feel uneasy about giving birth. Fortunately, it’s possible to replace those nerves with calmer thoughts. Here’s how.

Look Inward

“Humans have what is called a reptile brain — it holds memories that we may not be able to consciously bring to mind, but that our subconscious remembers,” says Giuditta Tornetta, doula and author of Painless Birth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Childbirth (Cumberland House; $16.95). These buried feelings can actually affect the way you feel about your upcoming birth and even how you’ll adjust to motherhood, leading to a major case of angst.

“The nine months of pregnancy are a great opportunity to really look at yourself under a microscope and work through old memories or feelings that can get in the way of your birth experience,” Tornetta says. Journaling, meditation, and visualization exercises can help you bring memories and emotions to the surface so you can deal with them before you go into labor.

Said agrees and recommends that expecting moms (and dads) make an inventory of not only their fears, but also their beliefs and what they feel they just don’t understand about birth.

Let It Out

“I was completely freaked out by the idea of having an episiotomy and was having a lot of anxiety over it,” says Nashville mother Jennifer Herman. “On a friend’s advice, I asked my OB/GYN point blank what his episiotomy rate was, and I was very pleasantly surprised to find out that he doesn’t think they are necessary very often. Just having that piece of information, I really felt like I could relax and look forward to labor.”

The moral of this story? If something’s bothering you, talk to your care provider about how you’re feeling.

“Most new-mother concerns stem from the unkown,” says Scott Firestein, M.D., a board-certified OB/GYN who has delivered more than 2,500 babies. He adds that education is empowering for expectant mothers and their partners. “When we see patients, we see them often, so we’re able to educate them throughout their entire pregnancy,” he says. Firestein encourages his patients to take childbirth education classes and to take a tour of the hospital’s birthing facility. “Just seeing the staff at work and the place itself will alleviate some anxiety, he says”

Firestein points out that having a good working relationship with your care provider is essential, so that he will sense that you have concerns and questions that you might be hesitant to bring up. He encourages patients to come to their appointments armed with a notebook full of questions, and he will often make his own notes in the pages as well.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. “You need a doctor or midwife that you trust completely,” says Said, adding that if you are afraid to ask questions and express concerns, you’re going to be afraid of labor. You’ll likely find that your doctor not only has the answer to your question, but will also have additional information to put your fears at ease. Firestein says that many of his patients come to see him with a very detailed birth plan, and are usually pleasantly surprised to discover that most of what they want in a birthing experience is a part of what the hospital already does.

If your care provider doesn’t have the answer, or you are uncomfortable with the answer he gives you, you have every right to find other options. There are many choices available, and it’s important to create a birth plan that works best for you and your baby. After all, the parenting journey begins with your pregnancy — it’s your responsibility to make sure you have the birth you want. “We want a good experience for the mom and her support partner,” says Firestein. “When you’re able to communicate before birth, it’s easier on the mom; there’s so much less to worry about.”

Prepare … Positively!

For a lot of women, labor- and birth-related fears come from not knowing what’s going to happen. And although you can’t script your birth experience down to the last detail, it will help to have a clear, physiological understanding of what your body and your baby do while you’re in labor. Take birthing classes and read a good book or two. Just make sure you don’t focus too much on what can go wrong.

“During my pregnancy, I was drawn to scary medical shows like Maternity Ward,” says Franklin mom Sarah Eamo, “but after watching them I’d find myself all stressed out that the same thing might happen to me.”

Firestein advises patients to beware of fixating on the negative. “It’s good to talk to other mothers,” he says, “but bring your OB into the conversation for clarification and facts.” Just like a scary campfire story, he says, birth stories are often loaded with “embellishments.”

“I don’t think you can be overprepared,” says Said, “but try not to set things in stone. Focus on the birth you want, not on the birth you don’t want.” She explains that in the hypnobirthing technique, mothers use guided imagery to envision the birth they want and to weed out negative thoughts. But it’s not a tool of self-deception, says Said. “You’re still prepared for the possibility to make choices.” But you’ll be able to make the best and safest choices for you and your baby.

Stop Those Scary Stories

There’s something about being pregnant that makes people clamor to tell their own tales of 30-hour labor or the epidural that didn’t work. But listening to delivery horror stories doesn’t do much for you besides foster fear. When you feel a birth story coming on, Said recommends you put up your hand, smile and ask if this is going to be a positive and encouraging story. If not, invite the tale-teller to share the story after your baby is born. “You can make a joke of it and tell them that your baby is listening,” she says. Another strategy might be to look for the lesson or piece of wisdom in a negative tale.

Learn to Relax

Relaxing over childbirth may sound easier said than done, and for some it is a learning process. Self-care methods for increasing your calm are well worth the effort. Invest your time in prenatal yoga classes (as many as you can) and pregnancy relaxation CDs (at least three times a day). You have to consistently practice in order to reap any benefits.

Personal rituals can work wonders, too. Try a hot-water bottle or microwaveable hot pack on achy spots, enjoy pregnancy teas, or give yourself belly massages with oil or lotion scented with lavender. Individually, these help you connect with your different senses and your own body wisdom. Together, they create the consistent self-care practices that make a measurable impact on the wellness of your pregnancy. And along the way, you’ll learn just how strong you are.

“A new mom will feel like a tigress,” says Said about the birthing experience. “She’s empowered and knows she will make an excellent mommy.”

Meagan Francis experienced pre-labor anxiety with all four of her babies. She’s the author of The Everything Health Guide to Postpartum Care and also writes for Parenting magazine.